Monthly Issues
by effulgentcolors
Summary: Emma's on her period. Killian's on a mission to make her feel better.


_This has been in my head for a while now and Sabs finally gave me the needed push to write it. Hope I handled it well. :)_

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Emma Swan had many secrets. One of them was the amount of pleasure she derived from being called a 'badass'. It was absolutely ridiculous. But whenever Henry fist-pumped the air, eyes beaming at her as if she was a superhero or something, and used that _ridiculous_ word, she could swear she felt herself grow taller. Killian, of course, had wasted no time adopting some new vocabulary from her son. When_ he_ said it there was a teasing note in his voice but his damn eyes sparkled with such pride that she was pretty convinced she could give Superman a run for his money and try that flying thing.

Frankly, being on her period only made Emma feel more badass. Upholding the law in a town full of people who had all sorts of vendettas messed up in their _already_ messed up family trees and at the same time raising a teenager, babysitting a newborn every two days and dating a pirate captain… Yeah, she was pretty damn badass, if she did say so herself.

The only exception was that damn first day. The first day of her period was marked with a big red 'X' on Emma's calendar every month and she knew better than trying to do anything productive (or anything at all) when that day came.

So, just like she did every month, Emma had warned David that she would be leaving the station earlier, she had sent Henry to spend the night at Regina's and she had bought some extra-long pads, a tub of her favourite ice-cream, a shitton of junk food and enough hot chocolate to last Granny for a year.

And so here she was - snuggled on her couch under the warmest blanket she had managed to dig out, wearing her least favourite underwear (she had a feeling that it had been black back when she had bought it but was now an annoyingly inconsistent grey), no bra, a pair of sweats, that had a tiny hole on the right leg that she kept forgetting to fix, and a t-shirt that she was pretty damn sure was Killian's because it was way too big, way too comfortable and smelled of soup and sea salt and… well, _Killian_. 10 Things I Hate About You was making an effort to take her mind off the cramping in her lower stomach and failing miserably.

Also she wanted hot cocoa but she had just found a position in which she felt somewhat comfortable not five minutes ago and there was no way in hell she was giving that up.

Except that now she had to because someone was knocking on her door. Someone who very soon wasn't going to have any limbs to bang on her door with.

Groaning and cursing under her breath, Emma shrugged off her blanket and got up without bothering to pause the movie. She was reaching for the doorknob when an unpleasant thought hit her and she twisted around to check her pants for stains. The banging continued as she twisted around, without a doubt looking like a dog chasing its tail, and Emma literally growled, wrenching the door open with a blood-freezing '_WHAT_'.

In front of her stood Killian Jones, eyebrows furrowed, fist raised and a slightly worried expression (that quickly turned into one of apprehension) on his too handsome face.

"Swan!" he exclaimed, taking an instinctive half-step backwards to make space for the rage radiating off of her. "My apologies, lass, but you weren't answering and I was starting to think something had befallen us. Again."

Emma huffed, running a hand through her hair and trying not to cringe at the tangled mess her fingers encountered.

Great. Of all the people in the whole damn town, of course, _of course,_ it would be the one – the ONE person she cared about finding her attractive – who came knocking at her door when all she wanted to do was stuff her face with ice-cream and cut off the bottom half of her body.

"What is it, Killian?" she sighed, resigning herself to the fact that the universe hated her and trying really hard not to take it out on him (because the universe sure as hell didn't seem in a rush to show up for that kick in the crotch).

"Well… nothing," he said, somewhat confused, eyes searching hers before they dropped to the floor and his hand automatically reached to scratch that damn spot behind his ear (the one that always bore the burden of his embarrassment, the one she loved to kiss in the morning to make it up to it).

Emma lifted an eyebrow, trying to push down her amusement and keep a straight face.

Adorable or not she needed him out. Tonight really wasn't the night for Emma&Killian time.

"It's just…" he looked up at her, some uncertainty creeping into his blues. "It's Saturday."

His hand was still vigorously abusing the skin behind his ear and he went back to looking anywhere but at her. Emma could have sworn she hadn't seen Killian Jones look that uncomfortable since the day her father had thanked him for saving his life.

But she couldn't exactly blame him.

Once things had settled down in Storybrooke Henry had announced that _it was time_. Which led to him, Killian and Emma snuggled on her new couch every Saturday night, consuming ungodly amounts of popcorn and making their way through each and every Walt Disney creation (starting with 'Peter Pan', _of course_).

Eventually, after Killian hadn't shown up for 'Aladdin' because both Emma and Henry had thought he just _knew_ by now, she had told the pirate that he had a standing invitation to their Saturday movie night.

Only Emma had completely forgotten it was Saturday.

"Henry's at Regina's," she said lamely.

Killian gave an understanding 'oh' and seemed to hesitate for a moment (or, perhaps, it wasn't so much hesitating as waiting) before giving her a firm nod.

"I supposed I should go then," he murmured as he took a step back but there was a question in his eyes and he seemed even more confused by now.

Again Emma couldn't find it in herself to blame him.

Usually in a situation where Henry was away, she was obviously free and Killian was obviously _there_, she would waste no time in grabbing him by the collar of his new leather jacket and dragging him towards the nearest horizontal surface (sometimes they didn't even need that). Which was why she was currently nibbling on the inside of her cheek and struggling to find a way to let him know that she wasn't dismissing him because she didn't want him there.

She was dismissing him because she ached in places no person should ache and she really_ really_ needed to get to the bathroom.

"It's just…" she scrunched up her nose, trying to find the least embarrassing way to make him aware of her predicament.

Growing up without being close to… anyone, didn't really make a person comfortable with talking about… well, anything. But especially personal stuff. Yeah, Emma Swan didn't do personal very well.

"It's not the best time of the month for me," she muttered eventually and now she was the one unable to look at him, instead glancing down at her hand that had unconsciously come down to rub at her stomach and quickly snatching it back.

She was rewarded with another understanding 'oh' and let out a little sigh of relief even as disappointment tried to worm its way into her system.

It wasn't like she _wanted_ Killian to go. He just had to.

Shockingly enough, he didn't seem to think so.

"Anything I can do?" he said, stepping forward again, visibly more relaxed now that he knew she wasn't trying to get rid of him just for the hell of it.

"For my bleeding vagina?" she asked with a mixture of incredulity and amusement and _Oh God_, so much for subtle and non-embarrassing.

Killian just laughed, one shoulder coming to rest on the wall as he leaned into her apartment.

"Well, we are rather well acquainted," he said with a smug grin, making Emma groan and grab the door as if she was going to slam it in his face (except she had no such intentions). "What kind of captain, or gentleman for that matter, would I be to jump ship in the middle of the storm?"

"Please, stop talking?" whimpered Emma, dropping her head in her free hand.

He did. But he also moved forward, finally entering the apartment, prying her hand off the door and tugging her towards him until her head was against his chest. Emma felt her body give a little whoosh and just sag into his, warm and safe and _home_.

"This really wasn't supposed to be an incentive for you to stay," she muttered into his shirt and felt the vibrations of his chuckle unleash a corresponding tingling sensation in her own body.

"You're my incentive, Swan," he replied easily, pulling back to smile down at her.

"Oh God, seriously, shut up," she groaned, pulling away but grabbing his hand and heading towards the couch. "I'm not in the mood for that amount of sappiness."

That was a lie. If there was ever a time when she was in the mood for sappiness, it was this day. But he didn't need to know that.

Emma plopped down on the soft cushions, trying to drag Killian along but he resisted.

"I thought you were staying to keep my vagina company," she grumbled, no longer caring about how ridiculous she sounded, and looked up at him trying to not let her disappointment show despite the prominent pout on her lips.

Killian just grinned at her, leaning down to plant a kiss on the top of her head, and murmured 'be right back' before heading for the kitchen.

She heard him turn on the water and suddenly remembered that she still really needed to get to the damn bathroom.

"Yeah, me too," she called over her shoulder as she moved towards the promised land.

However, once inside and relieved of a number of fluids, she had the time to look at herself in the mirror and this time she didn't try to hide her cringe. Emma set for getting her hair into a somewhat decent ponytail, all the while muttering about how nobody looked good when they were planning a night in the company of menstrual cramps and Ben&Jerry. She turned around checking her reflection to make sure she didn't have any blood stains on her pants and _how on earth was she supposed to share a couch with him without worrying about getting blood on the cushions or something just as horrifying_?

"It's Killian," she said to her reflection, feeling like a complete idiot. "It's gonna be fine. Just watch the movie together and then tell him to go and he will."

She nodded to herself before rolling her eyes and leaving the bathroom.

Killian was still in the kitchen, humming something that sounded tantalizing and _old_, but she didn't really have the energy to go check on him. The cramping in her lower abdomen had intensified and Emma let herself drop ungracefully back in her place and dragged the blanket over her frame.

"I'm not restarting the movie for you," she yelled in Killian's general direction, eyes on Heath Ledger and a small part of her still telling her to _get him out_.

"That's alright, lass," came Killian's voice right in her ear, startling her and making her jump a little.

Emma turned around to glare at him but it melted away as she was presented with a steaming cup of hot chocolate, cinnamon and everything.

Ugh, sweet, precious idiot. How was she supposed to want him gone?

"Thank you," she said softly, taking the cup from him, eyes lingering on his bright blue ones.

"My pleasure," he said, smile so warm that his words sounded like way more than a cordial reply. "Anything else I can get you, love?"

"Mmm, there are some peleti on the counter. And chips!" she called after him as he moved to search for what she intended to pass her body as food. "You know what? Bring all the junk I've bought."

Killian reappeared with his arms full of bags of salty treats and an eyebrow so high on his forehead it was a wonder it was still attached to his face at all.

"Shut up," grumbled Emma at his expression but the warm cocoa was having a rather calming effect on her stomach and there was no bite behind it.

Killian spread his arms, letting all the bags fall on the coffee table.

"Looks like the princess looted all the stands she firmly tries to steer her son away from."

"I have an excuse. You boys don't," she shot back, giving him an evil look that told him he was currently representing all the beings spared from the pain she was currently going through.

"Fair enough," shrugged Killian, finally joining her on the couch, one arm slung over the back in a silent invitation.

Emma eyed him critically for another moment or two before deciding that he wasn't to be punished for his Y chromosome today and scooted closer so that he could wrap his arm around her shoulders. She relaxed into his warmth, feeling his scent engulf her and smiling softly at the random patterns his hand started drawing on her shoulder.

That state of bliss lasted for all of five minutes. After which the tension inside her started to build again and she shifted so that her back was to Killian's front and her legs were propped up on the coffee table.

One bag of chips and one rendition of 'I Love You Baby' later she was tucking her legs beneath her and trying to fold in on herself without ending up in a fetal position.

"Do you want to lie down, lass?" murmured Killian in her ear a few minutes later as she started shifting restlessly next to him again.

Emma thought it was the best idea he'd ever had.

But she hadn't been lying on the cushions for more than ten minutes, Killian spread out behind her, the curve of his hook running gently up and down her tight, when she let out a frustrated groan.

"I hate this! My abdomen hurts and I get this idea that it's because I'm hungry, only it's not. But there's nothing I can do so I settle for eating anyways."

"What about those pain pills you offered me when my bloody head was going to split open last week?" asked Killian, arms coming more securely around her, voice sounding strained at the mention of her discomfort.

"Yeah," sighed Emma. "But I try to avoid painkillers unless it's really_ really_ bad."

She felt him nod behind her, his lips finding the back of her neck and starting to pepper soft kisses over her skin.

"Perhaps, just some water then? Or more of your chocolate beverage?"

"Water sounds good."

She felt him shift behind her, pressing a hand to her hip to let her know not to get up and she couldn't really suppress the smile that took over her face. Yes, she was enjoying her very first taste of being taken care of. So sue her! (It was a pretty damn amazing feeling.)

Two glasses of water and some half-melted ice-cream later, the credits of 10 Things were rolling on her screen and Emma flipped onto her back with a soft groan.

This was a good position. She was somewhat more comfortable on her back but it also made her feel more vulnerable and made her worry about blood stains _again_.

"Bed?" Killian murmured in her ear, his hand coming around to rub lightly at her abdomen.

Emma gave a moan of approval, trying to shuffle closer despite the fact that her whole right side was already flush against his body. Killian leaned forward, rubbing his nose against her cheek until he got a soft giggle out of her and then replacing it with his mouth. Emma let out a soft sigh, as if losing some sort of battle with herself (that she hadn't really fought all that hard), and turned her face to the side to meet his lips with her own.

The kiss was chaste and sweeter than anything she had experienced in her 30 years. She knew better than getting either of them too riled up and she was surprisingly satisfied with the soft brushes of their lips against each other. She turned a little on her side, desperate for more of his warmth, but was accompanied by the unpleasant feeling of pressure in her lower regions. Groaning against Killian's mouth, she pulled back a bit, her hand coming up to stroke his jawline.

"About that bed?" she murmured.

The captain nodded, his nose almost brushing hers because of their proximity.

"Should I go?"

"Do you want to?"

He let out something between a laugh and a snort, his hook coming up to play with a strand of her hair.

"'Course not."

"Then no," she said softly, giving him one last quick kiss before getting off the couch.

She felt a horrible _rushing sensation_ at the shift from a horizontal to a vertical position. Nodding towards the bedroom, she hurried into the bathroom, not waiting to see if he had moved.

He had. When she came out a few minutes later, entering her bedroom, Killian had already shed his shirt and was removing his hook and placing it on her nightstand.

Emma moved towards him, gently reaching for his brace. It had taken some gentle encouragements and firm reassurances on her part but he had eventually allowed her to see all of him. But he still never made to remove the brace on his own before getting into her bed. As if she was suddenly going to change her mind one night. It was ridiculous and stupid, so _stupid_, but she was more than ready to do it for him until the day he no longer needed her prompting. Like with dropping in every Saturday night.

(She may or may not have secretly decided to ask him to move in with her the day that happened. Although, if he took too long she was pretty damn sure she wouldn't be able to wait.)

"Your sweats are in the bottom drawer."

(Also he may or may not have already half-moved in.)

Emma shook her hair free of her ponytail and snuck in between the covers. Seconds later she felt the mattress dip beneath his weight and Killian's front press against her back. She shifted around a bit, trying to get comfortable and deal with the tension inside her as well as she could.

Then his arms came around her and his hand settled on top of her lower abdomen, heavy and warm, rubbing calming circles and waving the spell of his affection over her skin.

"Better?"

"Mxmm," she murmured contently, her eyes already dropping shut. "My vagina seems to be rather fond of you."

She could _feel _him trying to restrain his laughter.

"I'm certainly glad to hear that, love," he replied eventually, tone rich with amusement, the grin audible in his voice.

"I don't think you are too bad either," she whispered with a teasing smile and fell asleep to the feeling of his hand on her skin, his lips on her shoulder and his soft 'love you too.'


End file.
